lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
