Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
