four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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