upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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