Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So squirting runs in the family.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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