I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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