also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
