I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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