Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They took my balls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
