they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
