We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
