My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
