I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
