Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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