my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
