your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
