the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
