Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
