i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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