dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
