thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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