God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
