I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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