Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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