I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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