He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
