I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
