My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
