Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
