I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she peed on how many people?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
