turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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