I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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