walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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