Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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