Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
