It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
