she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Even my vagina gasped.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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