Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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