Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
