you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
