the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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