it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
