I am puke
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
