you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
