I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
