i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
