I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
