he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
