she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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