I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
