Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
