I looked at my own cervix.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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