The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
