just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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