somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just threw up on my dentist
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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