we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The Olympian is in my bed
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