Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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