Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
