do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
