My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
