I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
