Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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