why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
