he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
